Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Leaving the grocery store last weekend I ran into two guys from the local Disabled American Veterans chapter who were collecting donations. I've considered joining the DAV (I'm eligible) for the networking possibilities, so I stopped to make a donation and talk with them. One of the guys was quite elderly, very likely a WWII vet. The other was my age and incredibly overbearing. Frankly, I'd have liked to talk with the older gentleman, but he couldn't get two words in edgewise.

I filled out a paper while blowhard expounded vociferously about his accomplishments in the DAV. As I finished the paperwork I mentioned to him that I was separated from the Army while I was overseas, therefore my records are at the national office, and not the state office as usual.

"No problem," he said. "Know where my records are?".

No, I don't.

"At the hearing (I have no idea what hearing he meant) they had to go to 'covert' to find my records. After the hearing two guys walked in the room and took the tapes with the transcripts. The clerk was astonished. I told her 'You don't want to mess with those guys, or we'll both disappear in the morning'."

Rule #1: Anyone who tells you he did covert stuff...Never did.

Rule #2: Blowhards don't get asked to do covert stuff.

Rule #3: Nobody allows classified stuff to be discussed in an open forum. Confiscating the tapes is shutting the barn door too late.

Rule #4: Don't make assumptions. He probably assumed I was a REMF like he obviously was and wouldn't know he's full of fertilizer.

Rule #5: All of those TV shows--Seven Days, La Femme Nikita, etc.-- are a lot of fun, but if you believe them, as this guy obviously does, I have some real estate to sell you.

I'm having second thoughts about the DAV now as General Blowhard is the Vice-Commander of the local chapter. But then again, it could be fun to expose his gluteous in front of everyone at the post...

Until then, my meter is pegged.

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