Monday, November 18, 2002

I’ve come to the conclusion that in reality nothing can be undone. No act, no word, not even a thought.

An act, once done, is done. It becomes a fact. No apologies or repair work can change that it happened. Words, once spoken become reality. No amount of apologizing, no equivocation, nothing can change the fact that they were spoken. Though denied, the words remain spoken and linger on in whatever sort of place spoken words go to and remain for eternity, damning us with the memory of having spoken them. Thoughts, too, linger with us. Even a fleeting thought, not taken seriously, remains as a memory. A reminder that you even had that thought to be begin with. Reproaching you, asking How could you have thought such a thing?

The memories mount with the passing of time. Too many ill-advised actions; too many things blurted out, not thought through. Too many thoughts emerging from the dark corners of the mind, thoughts which would better have been left to remain there, forever masked from consciousness. Each memory takes a toll, the cumulative effect wearing one down as surely as a rasp removing wood.