Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I've been very busy lately and have fallen behind in a number of areas, including anything that involves use of a computer.

I wish I could put together a substantive post right now. I was at a "management picnic" on Sunday (dreaded it worse than I do a visit to the dentist, but I survived) and was reminded of a number of little events in the past. Actually made for some pleasant reminiscing and fodder for future posts.

Anyway, all I can put together right now is a conversation I had one evening while in basic training.

For a hundred or more years now, military men have suspected that their food and drink are laced with saltpeter. Saltpeter is potassium nitrate (KNO3) and is reputed to lower the male libido. As the legend goes, military leaders are concerned that virule young men in close quarters with other virule young men and lacking in female companionship will soon be humping each other like sodomite rabbits unless something is done.

I can't remember the spelling of his name, but there was a guy in my basic training platoon whose name sounded like "Syler". Interesting guy. He liked being referred to as "Psycho Syler" and did everything he could to live up to the moniker.

Anyway, one day Psycho announced to one and all that the Army was obviously putting "Softpeter" (I think he honestly thought that was what it's called) in the food as he hadn't had a woody since he got to basic training.

I waved him to my bunk as he passed by. "Psycho," I said, "We're in basic training. We get up at 0430 and start moving at 90 miles an hour. The first thing we see in the morning is other men in underwear. Then we go out and sweat and groan profusely performing calistenics in the presence of other men. We continue moving at a deadly rate of speed throughout the day while the temperature hovers around the century mark. The last thing we do at the end of the day is shower with a bunch of naked men and collapse in our bunks. If, given these circumstances, you were getting regular visits from Woodrow, I would count you as perhaps the sickest individual I have ever known".

He never brought up "softpeter" again.

1 comment:

Aaron said...

I didn't think there was any saltpeter in my victory punch, but then again I was at Ft. Jackson with the females ;)